Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
