I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
