so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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