I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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