dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
