I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
