I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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