Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
