I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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