I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
