his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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