So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
