I will die if light touches me.
i will never coherently bang her
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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