You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Non-Jews are for practice
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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