I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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