I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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