I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
