She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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