We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also, beer. Big fan.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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