I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
