what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
