Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
