the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
