If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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