if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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