I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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