I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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