He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The best revenge is premature balding
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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