I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
