No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
