We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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