Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
