A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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