You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
