Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
