he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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