Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
