If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize