I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
