Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
