I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
