did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
