His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
