tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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