I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We need to rekindle our bromance
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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