Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
