If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
