but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize