Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
