Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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