My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
