I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
