I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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