Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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