did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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