but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
