literally had 100 drinks last night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
