I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
