Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
