If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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