So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
