Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
