I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
