Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why do cheetos always look like penises
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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