Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
