So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
